I'm Pretty Sure That My iPhone Is Making Me Sick

I’m Pretty Sure That My iPhone is Making Me Sick

I’m pretty sure that my iPhone is making me sick
And still I can’ stop poking at the apps and the pics
Every time I hold it to my head
It makes the insides of my body feel like lead
Not to mention when the thing goes dead
I want to poke my eyes out with a stick
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that my iphone is making me sick.

I’m pretty sure that my iphone is making me stupid
It’s as if all my vast stores of knowledge have been pillaged and looted
If I don’t know a fact, I poke the question in Safari
I might recall your number but I’m sort of in a hurry
So I ask, and I’m reminded by Siri
It’s just as if we’re paired by an arrow of Cupid
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that my iphone is making me stupid

iphone, you’re like some magic wand!
Harry Potter’s got nothing on you
One day you’ll have an app for apparation!
Will there be anything that you can’t do?

I’m pretty sure that my iphone is wrecking my marriage
Even though my iphone and I go like a horse and a carriage
My husband says my face is turning green
From all that hunching over tiny screens
My children want to flush it down the can
Until they see that I have Instagram
And then they, too, step in the hologram
They’re walking the plank, they pledge to join me in bondage…
Yes, I’m pretty sure that my iPhone is wrecking my
Yes, I’m pretty sure that my iPhone is making me
Yes, I’m pretty sure that my iPhone is making me sick.

By Nerissa Nields
©2014 Peter Quince Productions ASCAP all rights reserved
Feb. 20, 2014